甲:hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie<avatar>? yeah, you are right, i'm the director-- cameron diaz, applaud , thank you....recently, i will direct a new movie called < avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and i will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---anne hathaway,ok, let's begin. at first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.

乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? yeah, i'm nicole kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, i believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?

甲:(作目瞪口呆状),

乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you ok?

甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. get out , next one.

乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)

丙:oh it seems to be serious. god bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

丙:i'm celine dion, you know, i don't have too many achievements, i just won five grammy awards, 12 world music awards, 7 american music awards , 21 juno awards and(做沉思状) oh, i forget it , a oscar award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, i....
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甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

丙:ok!!! i'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

near, far, wherever you are

i believe that the heart does go on

once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)

and you're here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on.

甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

oh, i'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise

丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),i'm glad to see you,my dear princess.

甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?

丁:my name? oh, wait a minute. do you know trish regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about robin meade?(摇头),and melissa theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....

丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!

甲:i don't care who you are, just show me your talent.

丁:ok ,listen,one poem,i have had found my best love, but i didn’t treasure her. when i lost her, i regret. it’s the most pain in the world. if god can give me another chance, i will say there words to her “i love you”!
19日22:33据介绍,钟鼓楼相声会自2015年起,已成功举办四届,为上万名观众送去欢笑,成为东城区乃至北京市曲艺界的盛会,被众多观众称为“京城相声爱好者的节日”。往届的演出如果没有德云社?那么相声会
甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, i can't stand, show you the door,

丁(转身离开,继续台词):if there is a time limit, i hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.

甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.oh, i'm dying,you three, come here,

三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right?

丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?

丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?

三人同声:we are past,right?

甲:eh..thank you for your eh..wonderful performance,but,i'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话) what? nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!

三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!

乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)

甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but i'm look forward to your progress.do you have confidence?

三人齐答:yes,we do!

甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

说明：绝对搞笑,绝对雷人,鉴于所花精力,所以,适当地收一点点辛苦费,第一个表演舞蹈时,音乐可以选用<猪八戒背媳妇>,第二个唱<my heart wil go on>时,一定要跑调加破音,第三个一定要足够深情恶心,就这么多提醒的,希望您看得开心,下的舒心.

来源：中国国际剧本网：http://www.juben108.com/hjxs_26841_1/