《叶花K西》
　　人物介绍：西门吹雪（Ｘ），叶孤城（Ｙ），Ｋing(K).花满楼（Ｈ）
　　道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
　　第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
　　旁白：A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow .
　　Birdsaredancinginthecold .
　　Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep .
　　Windiscominginsilence.
　　Another mysteriousmanapproaches .
　　Y与X相遇．
　　X：oH ,Iamsorrytoknockyou !
　　Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.
　　X:Excuseme， whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname?
　　Y:ha ha ,Iwon’tchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens. I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng. Whoareyou?
　　X:Iamximenchuixue.
　　Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?
　　X:Yes,whatiswrong?
　　Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?
　　X:Great, youknowme !
　　Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’tkillme! letmeyougo!
　　X:No, Imustkillyou !
　　Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!
　　X:Noway! Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
　　Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don''''''''''''''''t forceme!
　　X:Pardon!
　　(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
　　X抢过牛奶:milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?
　　Y:pleasedrinkit!
　　X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha
　　Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?
　　X:Sure, must! milkismilk.
本文发布在演艺圈门户网，演艺吧，请勿转载．域名www.yanyi8.com .李云飞、金岩、张伯鑫和大新、陈印泉和侯振鹏、金霏和陈曦公式相声央视相声小品大赛,冯巩3个徒弟垄断了各组第一,　　Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood! verygood! Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?
　　X:I’msureIwon’t!
　　Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!
　　X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !
　　Y大笑：HaHa……
　　X可怜状: help! help! Whereisthewashroom?
　　Y:What ?
　　X:Toliet?
　　Y:What ?
　　X:The “WC”?
　　Y:Oh,I see ,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!
　　X:Thanks,byebye.
　　Y掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!
　　H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!
　　Y:Whoareyou?
　　H:Hua---man----lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?
　　Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC” now,ha……
　　H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
　　Y:Youareright!
　　H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?
　　Y:Yes,It’sverygood.
　　H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!
　　Y:Ok,Let’s go!
　　第二幕：无间道
　　H:Mydearest ! letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou! （指Y） thisisyegucheng.
　　K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.
　　H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascold headache,sair and aids?
　　Y: Yes,Ido.
　　K: Huamanlou, come . puttheringonhisfinger!（音乐停）
　　X唱着上:Onlyyou……(看到戒子) thisringshouldbemine!
2020年01月23日20:02春晚近几年喜欢请当红明星参与歌舞类节目,但肖战却直接出演了小品,他与谢娜合作的这个节目也备受关注。在今年春晚的七个小品和一个相声节目中,你最期待哪一个呢?放弃相声演小品　　K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?
　　Y急切: king! dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再见)
　　K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isn’t it ?
　　Y:How clever……
　　X冷酷:yegucheng! comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!
　　Y抱X的腿:oldbrother ! Forgiveme!
　　X:Forgiveme? Why?
　　Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit. Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, I’lltellyou“I love you”,Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!
　　X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s“WC”!
　　Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC .I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)
　　X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)
　　K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?
　　X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.
　　K:Don’t saythat“you love me”. I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!
　　X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You---kill----me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)
　　K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!
　　X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……
　　Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
　　K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou

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